Michelle Williams has opened up for the first time about her life with daughter Matilda following the 2008 death of Heath Ledger.

In an interview for Vogue’s October 2009 issue, Michelle discusses the pain caused by Heath’s death. She has been extremely reluctant to give interviews of any sort, even to promote her film work. Williams said, “I didn’t know what my boundaries were for a long time, which made interviews feel very unsafe. I can talk about grief, because that’s mine; about single parenting; about trying to balance work and kids. But what I don’t have to talk about is what happened between Heath and me in our relationship.”

Williams went on to discuss the mourning period following Ledger’s death and how her daughter got her through the brutal times. “You console yourself by saying it’s all a deepening process. But it’s weird. After the first year, the pain is less intense; it’s less immediate,” Williams, 29, tells Vogue. “But the magical thinking goes away too. And that’s a whole new reckoning. But every time I really miss him and wonder where he’s gone, I just look at her.”

The couple has a daughter, Matilda, who was just 2 years old when Ledger died in January 2008 of an accidental drug overdose. Williams, who had split from Ledger months before his death, initially spent much of her time with her daughter, but returned to dating late last year. “I thought falling in love again was the only thing that was going to save me from the pain,” says Williams. “This erroneous idea: It just makes things more complicated.”

Due to the paparazzi, Michelle has had to explain to Matilda about the constant media attention they attract every time they step outside. At her local coffee shop, a little girl asked Williams, “What’s her name?” “Matilda.” The girl said to Matilda, entirely innocently, “What’s it like being famous? Are you so sad that your daddy died like Michael Jackson?” “That girl was six,” Williams says without rancor. “It’s because people really loved your daddy that they want to take your picture, to know you’re all right.”

While she continues to grieve the loss of her ex-boyfriend and the father of her child Michelle has tried to move on. She was dating director Spike Jonze earlier this year, a romance she confirmed has now ended. “The timing was impossible.”

Still, she remains optimistic about her future with Matilda. “I feel hopeful and grateful,” she says. “For a while I thought we had lost everything. It makes you want to love better and liver better.”

On her relationship with daughter, Matilda: “I’m falling more and more in love with her. And I think she deserves the bulk of my attention. We’re lucky. I can work. She can go to a good school. There’s a lot there for her. And she can know her dad in so many ways, and so many of his friends who will be able to tell her so many stories. His friends, his family they were a big part of his life, and they will be a big part of her life.”

On keeping Heath’s memory alive: “There’s a lot there for her. She can know her dad in so many ways, and so many of his friends who will be able to tell her so many stories. His friends, his family—they were a big part of his life, and they will be a big part of her life.”

On her style: “I’ve learned that I look better with less. Jewelry doesn’t suit me.”